An open letter to a broken home
Monday, February 9, 2009
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When you wake up in the morning of your broken home, and you feel the light of day pulsing through the windows, only to feel it being pushed back by the tension from heavy footsteps, pick up your head. You can dress, and you can go to school. There you will find comfort.
If you eat your breakfast and the paper is folded outward in the soft curve of the earth itself, and you hear people talking at one another… not talking with or talking to, but talking at… there’s no need for you to listen. Clean up your dishes and head outside. There’s a friend waiting to be made.
As the door of the parlor slams shut, and you’re red in the face from trying to explain, but the person on the other side of the wall has decided that she’s going to have it her way – that her way is best, and that your breath is, upon her, wasted – you can go ahead and take your coat and open the other door, the one that leads unto the night, and walk the streets until your face is cold and your mind is on other things.
Once you’ve moved away and made your own home, and you get a phone call late at night, and the voice on the other line is drunk and strong, asking you for favors, you may say, “I have no favors to give. I am sleeping.” And if the line cuts off, you don’t have to call back. You can go right ahead and live that life of yours.
When you go back to that house that was supposed to be a home, and you see all the windows dark and the lawn unkempt, and you find yourself not wanting to go inside, you have every right to turn around and walk away. There’s nothing for you there.
When the days are strong, and you find yourself in good company with your mother and your father, enjoy those times.
When the days are not as strong, and you feel disappointed for having been let down once again, for having thought once again that This Time It May Change, but in your mind you always knew it would come back to this, that there would be no end and there would be no logic to be found, you can take your worries elsewhere. You can take those worries from your mind and you can put them in the palm of your hand and, instead of gripping tighter, you can simply turn your palm to the ground and watch them fall away.
Finding yourself in need, you may ask a favor. But know this favor comes at a price. Know this favor would not be done because you are in need, but because it is seen that you are in want. And know that those favors are not ones that are easily forgotten by those that feel you owe them everything, that feel there is a score to be settled. These are not your friends, and they would not be done unto as you would do unto someone else – for the spirit – but because they expect to be repaid. Take your favor and swallow it; save it for another soul on another day.
On the days that you feel guilty, on the days that you feel sad, on days you feel weak, on days you feel frustrated and angry, on days you compare what little you have to someone who has much more, do this: Look at what you’ve built for yourself. See what it is you have done, and know you have done it. Know you have done this yourself, and know that your life, your happiness, is yours to keep. Know it should and will be shared, but know it can’t and won’t be shared with those whose sorrow only acts to drown joyful music with disapproval. Know your goodness is to be shared, but cannot be shared by those who would only serve to criticize. Or to bite. Or to scream. Know that your being alive entitles you to be good, to be happy, to be peaceful. And know: In this world, we deserve that much. But also know whose actions serve to corrupt, no matter their intent. Know enough to see it and to walk away. For that is your privilege on earth; to walk away from nonsense, and to live your life wholly and freely as you alone see fit.
Comment
Here, here! Live your life the best way you can, because it is the only thing you can control. I wish I had the guts to write something like this, but I still fear my parents too much.
— L · Feb 12, 11:20 AM · #
Good advice Brandon.
Thoughts I have thought many times and similar situations that I have been conjoined with have numbered the same.
The best realization is when you realize you’re going to be happy, despite them.
— Ed. · Feb 12, 02:37 PM · #
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