The Commuter

Future Sucks?

Brandon Goldner
The Commuter

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Brandon Goldner

If you were in Corvallis in the late 90’s and early 2000’s, you may remember the dynamic rap duo Future Sunz. Their most popular release, “Future Sucks,” came out in 2001 (Google it. You’ll be glad you did).

The current economic climate, or as some like to call it, the “Holy F***ing ****storm of 2009,” was years away. But the title is apt.

You see, I was recently told that one of my two jobs would be eliminated. Downsized. Disappeared.

That last word is used horribly out of context, but whatever.

A “work force reduction,” it was called. The position I and three others worked would be taken off the books in an attempt to save money. The decision was a smart one; if I had been in charge, I probably would have gotten rid of it long ago. But still, “Future Sucks” for a student who’s now relegated to working 12 hours a week in a job which, though fulfilling and genuinely enjoyable, doesn’t pay what it used to even a few years ago – about 20% less, in fact – and because of this I need to figure out a way to pay rent.

But who am I to complain? People get laid off all the time; it has nothing to do with performance and everything to do with worth, as in “How much is this position worth to our company?” Apparently, the one I worked wasn’t worth slightly over minimum wage. And that’s cool; I mean, I understand that the position wasn’t worth shit even if the people working them are, and everyone involved in the process knew it too. But now what do I have to do but look out for my own worth?

In most climates, this would be easy. You would take your letter of recommendation (…right?), your resume, and your work ethic and offer it to another company, scoring a great job to supplement your current one and maybe even get an extra 50 cents an hour out of it. But now? From what I’ve seen the entry-level professional market is drier than a camel’s foot and getting drier. There are literally hundreds of similarly-aged students in the Mid-Valley, all marketing themselves like a bucket of Oxi-Clean on a late night infomercial, smiling themselves silly and hoping to wind up working for someone other than a Carl’s Jr., or Carl down the road who needs his gutters cleaned. Wait, what? He has a gutterless roof? Aw. Dammit.

And to be fair, it’s nobody’s fault. A company, when in crisis, doesn’t exactly have time to look at each individual employee, determine who’s pulling their weight, and cut the ones who aren’t while re-arranging job descriptions to match the schedules of the ones who are. Too sloppy, too much time wasted, and too much chance of an employee retaliating with a fat lawsuit that, while baseless, would eat up said company’s resources and be an unsightly distraction to boot.

No, much easier just to get rid of the job and pretend to do it blindly, letting whoever depended on it flail around the cesspool of a job market we face and drown. Or, if they’re lucky, rise to the surface like a glob of fat and be skimmed off by a willing company whose own books aren’t looking to great themselves, but hey! A job’s a job!

So be thankful for the one you have. And, if you’re like me and are facing underemployment (the new buzzword), be patient, sell a kidney or two and cross your fingers. Because even though the future might suck, the present, by comparison, isn’t lookin’ so bad.

*Author’s note: The views expressed were not endorsed by, and don’t represent, those of Carl’s Jr., Carl, the author, The Commuter, Linn-Benton Community College, my job or its management, Future Sunz, the Mid-Valley, that guy right there who’s reading this while taking a dump (yeah, you), or anyone else.