Find us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter

Opinion

To the Editor:

Poetry & Art

Classified Ads

Back Issues

Blogs

I think I'm going to hate Eugene

Greg Dewar
The Commuter

Monday, June 1, 2009

I’ve always done most of my shopping in Eugene, living in such close proximity, but I’ve never really left the beltline or I-105.

This last Saturday night I went to visit a newfound friend in Eugene, and our first stop was a convenience mart. It looked “hippyish,” I think it used to be an old house, but I went in with some expectations.

Right off the bat, I noticed there was no hot coffee. I thought to myself. “What kind of convenience mart is this?” I looked around for my favorite beer and eventually found it. Awesomely enough, it was horrendously expensive. As I creaked around the old wood floor, I found that they didn’t even have hot dogs. They didn’t even have tofu pups. What was found was something called “No meat hot dogs.” Baffling. I meandered around some more and finally found some coffee…but it was Starbucks Frappucinnos…which just seems…I don’t even have words. To top it off, they only had two brands of pop in two-liter versions.

Both cashiers were so spacey I don’t think it even registered I was there until I “accidentally” knocked over one of my bottles.

The next store didn’t have hot dogs, either, but they did have an actual beer selection, even though the cashier harangued me for not buying anything until I said: “Well, get some hot dogs next time!”

My night seemed compounded by the fact that everyone I met was really…mentally gone, like they’d done one too many drugs. They kept saying things that they found to be spectacularly profound which a sober person just has to shake their head at and go “Wow…you’re dumb.”

The other dagger in my night of fun’s back was the fact that I couldn’t go anywhere without being asked if I sold pot just because I have piercings. Of course I had to give them a resounding: “No, I actually find the use of marijuana to be particularly offensive. Why don’t you get a job and try to sober up?”

Well, Eugene, that’s 0/1. I’m fairly certain that I’m going to go insane there. Albany and Corvallis, for all their suck…are going to be missed.

Comment

Commenting is closed for this article.