Philosoph-off: Marijuana... Sin or salvation?
Friday, December 5, 2008
This week Brandon and Rick explore the topic of Marijuana, adverse agent or aiding advantage in our society? Lets read and find out.
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Brandon Goldner: Against Pot
People aught to be scared. The war on marijuana has stalled ever since Bill Clinton admitted to having been infected by “the pot.” No wonder he was such an idiot. Ever wonder why they call it dope?
But for some reason, our nation has stood idly by these last few administrations while states have been enacting laws making cannibus legal for medical use. The likes of California and Oregon are to be suspected of supporting anti-Americanism at every turn, and as such it’s no surprise that they’re pushing the pro-trainwreck agenda. But what about our gentle queen Rhode Island? Apparently Giovanni da Verrazzano was high off his ass when he discovered it in 1624.
And even for those states that are tough on drugs, the penalties criminals face are not nearly harsh enough. Did you know that you can get away with only serving ONE life sentence in prison if you are found to be growing marijuana in Oklahoma? This is outrageous. I don’t want my children threatened with the prospect of their art teacher walking free 65 years later if he’s found to be harvesting purple kush between classes. I say give him the death penalty, or at least consecutive life sentences with no possibility of parole or commutation.
And were you aware that you can only go to jail for a year if you’re in possession of any amount on your first offense in Kansas? ARE YOU JOKING? You’re telling me that the guy behind the gym who smokes weed out of a discarded pop can will only be going to jail for a year? Give me a break. It’s little comfort to know that, after he’s released, if he’s found to be tokin’ buds in the bathroom out of bong made out of a 20 oz bottle of Dr. Pepper, a Bic pen, aluminum foil and glue from a glue gun, that he’ll be thrown in for another three years. Great. What about after that, when he’s serving tables at a local Wendy’s and he walks right up to me with his smelly breath and stale clothes and asks if I need anything else beside the # 6 super double value meal that I just ordered seconds ago? Then I’d say, ‘Yeah, I do, buddy. I need you to get shock therapy, because you’re a freakin’ wacko.’
Bill O’Reilly sure hit the nail on the head when he said to marijuana users, “Don’t get in a car.” That’s right. “And don’t get near my family.” Oh. So. True.
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Rick Casillas: In favor of pot.
Have you ever thought that maybe the world is just one raindrop among thousands, caught in a storm above God as he sits waiting for the bus, crashing down towards the pavement of oblivion. Or that maybe we’re the dogs and dogs are us? No? Well then you’re obviously not smoking enough pot. My opponent speaks of harsher prison sentences, well the only prison that can hold a cannibus connoisseur is the mind, yeah trip on that you sober freak.
Times are tough, there’s that stock-market thing, and global cooling slash rubbing or whatever deal. Things are hard too; people want you to learn stuff, you have to do things to earn money. And the saving grace through all our troubles isn’t the support of a loving partner or an uh…uh…hold on a second I forgot where I was going with this.
Oh yeah! I saw a commercial yesterday about pot, there were these dudes in a car and they hit some kid on a bike. I thought to myself, that kid wasn’t wearing a helmet, that’s karma for you. Speaking of commercials I can’t believe how commercial they’ve gotten, I mean it’s like imperialistic corporate America isn’t satisfied putting us into their little suits and making us work in cubicles, they want that bloody oil stained money back every time you buy a soda. Hey rich corporate guy, I am not a robot you cannot put me in a box like you would with a robot, I have dreams and ambitions. Someday I might join some kind of reggae country fusion band, and I’m going to wear sandals ALL THE TIME. Especially in winter because that’s when I get most of my glass sculpturing done and my disc golf league is doing warm ups, have you ever noticed how similar your toes are to your fingers? They’re like tiny stubby hands on your legs…what was I saying?
Oh yeah my opponent is being hella judgmental bros, I mean pot is natural it’s from the ground just like Easter Lilies, Poison Oak, and Elves. It ain’t just him neither ever since I learned to read last summer I’ve been assaulted with anti-marijuana propaganda, and being a pseudo intellectual philosophy major that owns several books I can say with absolute assurity that all of the misunderstandings emanate from them just not getting it. Has my conformibot opponent ever gotten really high and eaten too much before taking a nap? Has my industrial puppet of an adversary ever beaten Sons of Liberty at 2 A.M. after demolishing a bowl and consequently had his mind blown? No, he hasn’t, he sits in his Ivory tower earning a living wage and maintaining stable relationships while I walk the paths of great men before me. So suck it Brando, it looks like your drinks arrived, cause’ you just got served.
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