Silly library comics are for EVERYONE!
Monday, June 1, 2009
The lord saw fit to strike me with the flu the last couple of weeks, in all likelihood due to my vocal chastising of those around me concerned about the impending doom of swine flu. Once afflicted, I knew I had no choice but to bear the brunt of the karma backlash as best I could and just ride the sumabitch out. And what better way to deal with illness than to revert to a state of childhood, languishing in bed all day, sucking on otter pops, and reading comic books. Well, I was fresh out of pops but comics aplenty were available to my sweaty feverish fingers for easy perusal. You see, dear reader, like many of you I am a citizen of Corvallis: that magical kingdom to the east of Japan that touts bike-friendly paths, beautiful scenery, bars aplenty, and one of the best libraries on Gaia’s green face, or so they would have you believe.
I’ve got a beef to beat with you, Corvallis library, for being the most awesome book building I’ve ever meandered into. You have one decided flaw that seems to plague my entire adolescent adulthood. You see, I never quite grew up with my recreational habits; as aforementioned I am an avid comic connoisseur, a galvanic gamer, and I still loves me some D&D. The major malfunction that seems to follow me through all of these puerile pastimes is that I can’t stand most of the people that engage in my hobbies. Not to say I don’t meet a heap of fine folks that also refuse to spend their money on bar tabs and quads, but the player base for most of the hobbies listed seem to be obnoxious, social inepts, or children. And unfortunately the connection between games, comics, and children seems to be a difficult one to sever.
If you haven’t cracked open a comic in a few decades, the themes have become decidedly more adult. The writing actually has some depth: there are complex moral quandaries stuffed in those animated pages. The sexual tones have even become more overt.
Yet as I walk towards the comic aisle to check out a copy of Ex Machina, I cannot help but cringe as I walk past boy-band DVDs and am surrounded by the squeals of snot-nosed blanket-suckers. Because the comics and manga are placed directly in the center of the youth section, I am forced to do the walk of shame every time I have a craving for picture literature. I don’t want them to move the entire collection upstairs to sit next to the single shelf of graphic novels, but can I get an electric fence enclosure or something? It would just be nice to be able to pick up an issue of Blue Beetle without having mothers usher their children away from the potential child molester come to grab a stack of kiddy fodder.
I know some may be thinking the quick fix is to grow the fuck up and stop reading comics or buy them; my hand crafted retort goes something along the lines of “NO U!” Try arguing with sound logic like that, you car washers. I guess I should be grateful they have such an impressive collection to begin with; not many libraries boast such benefits, but I wish whoever was doing the hand picking would take a gander at the content of the comics instead of shuffling them around based off of rating. I implore you, library, in your literate majesty, sweep your grand influence across my beloved section and relocate to a more amiable location. Like that reading room that smells like unwashed people, or maybe expand the graphic novel section upstairs to accommodate a larger selection? Just do something! Because the next time I look to my right and see a kid reading a highlights magazine while I’m trying to decide if I should give The Flash another chance, I think I might start doing some baby punting.
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